i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
