Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
