I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
