I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
