; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
