I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
being pregnant is like rehab
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
