is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
