Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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