Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
