went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
