In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize