I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
