Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
