just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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