So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
