I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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