You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
