I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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