You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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