I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
