I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize