He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
