I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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