I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
