I feel great
I just peed on a car
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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