none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
