my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
