I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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