She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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