he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
