i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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