Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I could fuck to npr.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
