the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i came on her dog
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
