i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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