I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's shark week go big or go home
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
