I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
