Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
