i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
