you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
