Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
