I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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