just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
