I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
