just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
