I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
