When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
