Say something about gay babies.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
