Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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