I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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