We're facebook friends in real life
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
