Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
