I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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