Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
