Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
