i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
