I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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