we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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