never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
