I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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