I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
