is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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