I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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