I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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