last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
