At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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