My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
