So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
