i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
