Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
