I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
